Has it really been one year since the night you asked me to be yours? I don’t know whether it feels like so much more time or so much less. I remember that moment as if it were just weeks ago, and yet it has the dreamlike, detached quality one finds imbued in distant, fond memories. I think of how much has changed since then, and I really can’t believe it. I’m not at all the same person I was, nor am I someone I ever thought I would be.
Until I met you, I thought I would never fall in love. I thought I simply wasn’t capable of it. I’d considered myself aromantic for several years and thought that unlikely to change. When those feelings began to creep up on me, infringing on my concentration and bringing with them romantic thoughts altogether new to me, I dismissed it as fantasy, the folly of an overzealous actor getting into character. But soon those thoughts took hold of my soul in a way I could no longer deny as simply acting. It was real passion, not a dramatized delusion, and it was all for you. Since then these feelings have only grown, magnified by the intimacy we have, mentally and physically.
I’m constantly amazed by how much you’ve helped me grow as a person. I’m far stronger now than I was a year ago, more confident and able to love and appreciate myself in ways I never had before. You give me a newfound courage, the power of self knowledge and self expression. You make me laugh, you make me think, and you make me forget my anxieties. I fall more in love with you every time we’re together, and each day reminds me of why I fell in love with you a year ago.
Thinking back, our timeline might look hurried to anyone else, but it didn’t feel that way at all, and it still doesn’t. We met in mid-August, started talking a week or two later, and we were official another fortnight after that. It took barely a month for us to fall for each other, and so much happened in that time alone. So many extenuating circumstances that could have torn us apart, but we didn’t let that happen. We had made a commitment to each other, and we weren’t about to renege on that. Even before we started dating, when things could’ve fallen apart completely, something told me not to give up, and every day I am so grateful that I didn’t. I may never know what instinct it was that kept me by your side, but giving you my heart was the best decision I’ve ever made. I sometimes wonder if things would be the same today if they hadn’t played out exactly as they did, difficulties and all, and I think the reason we’ve become so strong is because we’ve already been through so much.
It really shows just how well we work together, and I think it’s shown from the beginning. You could see it shining from my eyes even in the dark of backstage, and after only three months together people were telling us we seemed like an old married couple (in a good way, of course!), and now everything feels so right that even the distance doesn’t discourage me the way it used to. It’s still hard, and distance always is, but when there’s no uncertainty, you have instead security.
By some miracle, it’s always felt right. Our first I love you’s whispered passionately backstage, our non-dates spending hours talking in your car, our first real date seeing Merrily We Roll Along…every moment before, in between, and since has filled me with more happiness than could possibly be measured. Everything from nights at the theatre to banal quotidian errands to lying in bed all day feels right when you’re next to me. We can have fun going on adventures, but we also have fun just lying around doing nothing together. We have philosophical and scientific discussions, we laugh about completely ridiculous things, and we’re not afraid to be 100% ourselves, silly and serious, intellectual and absurd, the totally and utterly adorkable nerds that we are.
I never knew before how a person could feel like home, but now I do. You are my home, sweetie. I love you more than I could ever hope to say. Happy anniversary.